Feeling shame or pain in your sex life? How to become erotically empowered, deepen intimacy, and ask for the pleasure you want, with somatic sex educator darshana avila
Do you ever struggle with shame, pain, numbness, or disconnection in your sex life?
So many of us have done inner child work, attachment work, and therapy for our mental health — but we’ve never applied that same lens to our sexuality. Cultural conditioning, religious messaging, porn, performance pressure, trauma, and body shame all shape how safe (or unsafe) we feel in intimacy. And often, it’s our sexual selves that become fragmented.
In this episode, I’m joined by trauma-informed somatic sex educator and Erotic Wholeness coach Darshana Avila (featured on Goop’s podcast and TV show) to explore how to heal sexual shame, navigating painful sex, ways to deepen intimacy, and confidently asking for the pleasure you actually want. Darshana has dedicated her career to helping people tune in to their truth, desires, and authentic relationships. Her work has been featured on Netflix’s Sex, Love & goop, and she’s spent over a decade guiding people out of the cultural patterns that keep them stuck.
This conversation explores sex and the erotic not as performance, but as attunement, embodiment, and healing.
Tune in to hear:
What Erotic Wholeness actually means
How trauma and upbringing impact desire and shutdown
Why so many women experience painful sex — and what might be happening physiologically and emotionally
Why orgasms can feel difficult or inconsistent
How to feel more confident and comfortable in your body
How to give feedback in bed without shame or conflict
What to do when you “don’t even know what you like”
How to slow down, build anticipation, and deepen attunement
Why presence and nervous system regulation are key to better sex
Follow Darshana on her website and Instagram.
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