Ep. 257: How To Overcome Fear, Self-Sabotage, And Panic Attacks To Make Quantum Leaps Towards Our Goals, with Lori Harder
I’ve been hitting a ceiling with my upper limits lately — in love, business, and life decisions, limiting beliefs and self-sabotage have been showing all the way up. So I revisited this episode with Lori Harder, and it was a powerful reminder of how to get out of my own way… it felt right to throw it back to this top-performing episode today for anyone who needs to hear this.
I’ve been hitting a ceiling with my upper limits lately — in love, business, and life decisions, limiting beliefs and self-sabotage have been showing all the way up. So I revisited this episode with Lori Harder, and it was a powerful reminder of how to get out of my own way… it felt right to throw it back to this top-performing episode today for anyone who needs to hear this.
The biggest thing that gets in our way of the success and fulfillment we desire isn’t external factors, it’s ourselves. So listen in to this masterclass on how to stop upper limiting and break up self-sabotage.
There’s no one better suited to speak to resilience and transformation than Lori Harder, who pushed herself out of her comfort zone to go from a broke, unhealthy, anxiety-ridden introvert, to a confident and abundant self-made millionaire, speaker, podcast host, fitness world champion, and cover model. Lori is a serial entrepreneur and CEO of multiple companies, including Glōci and Lite Pink. She’s a best-selling author and the host of top podcast, Earn Your Happy.
Tune in as we chat about:
What are quantum leaps, and how has Lori harnessed them for her success?
Dealing with anxiety and panic attacks
Using fear as a compass to find our purpose
Practical tips to overcome public speaking anxiety
Overcoming the fear of failure
Using resistance and challenge to create inner strength
How upper limiting is holding us back from our potential
The different disguises of self-sabotage
The power of our relationships and social circles in our success
Follow Lori on Instagram and on her website.
Listen to Lori's Podcast, Earn Your Happy.
Order Lori's book, A Tribe Called Bliss
This show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
PS: If you’ve been toying with the idea of launching a podcast but aren’t sure where to start or how to grow, check our consulting services at teachmehowtoadult.ca/howtopodcast!
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Ep. 256: How To Regulate Your Nervous System And Process Trauma using Somatic Therapy, with Therapist Simone Saunders
It’s World Mental Health Day this week, and we're having lots of important conversations to increase awareness around emotional wellbeing. I called in Trauma Therapist Simone Saunders to learn more about somatic therapy, how our mental health impacts our physical health, and how trauma and distress shows up in our bodies.
It’s World Mental Health Day this week, and we're having lots of important conversations to increase awareness around emotional wellbeing. I called in Trauma Therapist Simone Saunders to learn more about somatic therapy, how our mental health impacts our physical health, and how trauma and distress shows up in our bodies.
Anxiety and mental illness can show up in so many ways physically — from getting sweaty and experiencing heart palpitations or nausea, to general posture and shoulder stiffness, gut issues, and sleep problems. More and more we're seeing physical diagnoses like chronic pain and IBS linked back to trauma and nervous system dysregulation. And it doesn't always have to be a big T trauma... we talk a lot in this interview about how repeated micro traumas can build up to have the same impact.
So if you want to take control of your mental health and expand your techniques and awareness, this episode is a must-listen.
Simone has a Master's in Clinical Social Work, with a specialization in trauma, emotional regulation, anxiety and depression. As a trauma therapist and educator she has over 800,000 followers across her Instagram and TikTok accounts, the cognitive corner, where she helps people understand the connection between the mind and body and patterns that your nervous system engages in.
Tune in to hear more about:
Signs we might struggle to regulate our emotions and nervous system, and the best tools for nervous system regulation
The typical survival responses we cycle through when triggered
Navigating familial relationships or partnerships that trigger the dysregulation loop
Unhelpful coping strategies that might make you feel worse
Cognitive bypassing: The difference between intellectualizing and feeling
How trauma manifests physically
What if you can't remember your trauma?
Somatic therapy techniques and processing stored trauma
Building a life that's healthy for your nervous system
Navigating the loneliness and isolation on our mental health journey
Follow Simone on Instagram and TikTok.
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
PS: If you’ve been toying with the idea of launching a podcast but aren’t sure where to start or how to grow, check our consulting services at teachmehowtoadult.ca/howtopodcast!
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Ep. 255: Build Your Mental Health Toolkit With 5 Expert-Backed Tips For Emotional Wellbeing
We’re heading into mental health awareness week, and these conversations are crucial as we face a global mental health crisis, with 1 in 3 people struggling with a mental health issue in North America.
We’re heading into mental health awareness week, and these conversations are crucial as we face a global mental health crisis, with 1 in 3 people struggling with a mental health issue in North America.
Almost every person I’m close with has been affected by mental health struggles, and I dealt with my own uncomfortable bout of anxiety and depression this September. During this tough month, I found myself referring back to some of the amazing tools and conversations I’ve had with guests on this podcast who shared perspective-changing insights that have changed my mindset and mental health.
These are a big part of my mental health toolkit that I draw from when I need reminders, support and tools to get me through a rough patch, and I'm glad I can share them with you today.
Tune in to hear advice from:
Mindset coach and bestselling author, Leisse Wilcox, on having agency over your response to life’s hardships, cultivating hope and optimism, and using your feelings as feedback.
Clinical psychologist, Dr. Lauren Cook, on identifying the Four Ds of Distress and when to seek help from a therapist, plus the truth about how nutritional deficiencies and gut health impact anxiety.
Psychotherapist and author, Whitney Goodman, on radically accepting your feelings and why we’ve been programmed to engage in toxic positivity.
Mindfulness expert and best-selling author, Nina Purewal, on navigating the chatty mind, dealing with stress spirals, why we’re addicted to negative thoughts, and CSI-ing the shit out of your thoughts.
If you’re struggling with your mental health, know that you’re not alone. Please find someone to talk to, and know that you are loved. I hope this mental health toolkit helps you as much as it’s helped me.
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
PS: If you’ve been toying with the idea of launching a podcast but aren’t sure where to start or how to grow, check our consulting services at teachmehowtoadult.ca/howtopodcast!
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 253: Is Life Speeding You By? Slow Down Time Using Novelty (And The Case Against Routine)
Do you guys feel like time keeps passing by faster the older we get? When we’re kids, summer stretches endlessly, and in adulthood, it’s gone in the blink of an eye. Today we’re diving into the intersection of time, memories, novelty and neuroscience to figure out how we can slow down our perception of time and make more memories.
Do you guys feel like time keeps passing by faster the older we get? When we’re kids, summer stretches endlessly, and in adulthood, it’s gone in the blink of an eye.
Today we’re diving into the intersection of time, memories, novelty and neuroscience to figure out how we can slow down our perception of time and make more memories. Enter: Liz Moody’s Novelty Rule. It turns out, when we’re learning and experiencing new things, we create new neural pathways, and time feels longer/slower.
As we get older and fall into rigid routines and monotony, we’re not laying down new neural circuitry, so everything blends together and we lose track of time.
So how do we stop time from flying by? Tune in to hear about:
The neuroscience of time perception
My relationship with routine and boredom
Explaining Liz Moody’s “Novelty Rule”
Easy ways to create weekly novelty
Applying dopamine menus to memory-making
Why Shared Experiences is a key Love Language
Keeping the spark alive in relationships with novelty
Tracking and scheduling your new novelty habits
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
PS: If you’ve been toying with the idea of launching a podcast but aren’t sure where to start or how to grow, check our consulting services at teachmehowtoadult.ca/howtopodcast!
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 251: How To Know When It’s Time To Let Go, & Why Trying Less Can Lead To Success | I’m The Problem, It’s Me
Welcome back to another episode of “I’m the problem, it’s me,” where I call bullshit on myself for the things I’m getting wrong, so we can all learn from the struggle. Today’s adulting confession: I’m terrible at letting things go. I never know when to walk away and call it quits, and I try to make things work long past the point of productivity or hope
Welcome back to another episode of “I’m the problem, it’s me,” where I call bullshit on myself for the things I’m getting wrong, so we can all learn from the struggle.
Today’s adulting confession: I’m terrible at letting things go. I never know when to walk away and call it quits, and I try to make things work long past the point of productivity or hope
If you’re listening to this, you’re probably feeling a little overwhelmed or frustrated at how hard you’ve been trying in some area in your life.
This episode is your permission slip to stop trying to do something if it’s not working.
We’re taught our whole lives that “quitting is bad”, and “If you try harder you’ll do better” — but trying harder isn’t always the solution to achieving more.
Tune in as we explore a beautiful metaphor I heard at Lewis Howes’ Summit of Greatness. We dive into a story from Price Pritchett’s book, You2, on the power of redirection, pivoting, and NOT trying harder when there’s a smarter, more effective solution just around the corner.
I haven’t always known when to let go and walk away from something, but I’m setting out to change that.
If something isn’t working in your life and you’re still desperately trying — stop and reevaluate. There’s probably a better way
Read Price Prichett’s book, You2
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
PS: If you’ve been toying with the idea of launching a podcast but aren’t sure where to start or how to grow, check our consulting services at teachmehowtoadult.ca/howtopodcast!
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 249: The Quickie: Hack Your Productivity & Time Management Using ‘Parkinson’s Law’
Do you ever feel like you're less productive when you’re less busy? It’s like the more time you have, the longer it takes to get anything done, and the busier you are, the more you get done. You’re not alone my friends — that’s actually thanks to a phenomenon called Parkinson’s Law.
Do you ever feel like you're less productive when you’re less busy? It’s like the more time you have, the longer it takes to get anything done, and the busier you are, the more you get done. You’re not alone my friends — that’s actually thanks to a phenomenon called Parkinson’s Law.
Parkinson’s Law is the idea that work expands to fill the time allotted for its completion… a task will grow more complex and all-consuming the more time you have to get it done. For people (like me) who struggle with time management, this can equal A LOT OF WASTED TIME if you don’t leverage it properly.
But imagine you could get your 8-hour-a-day job done in 5 hours? I’ve tried-and-tested time management strategies and self-imposed deadlines, and found that I can get way more done in less time when I use this phenomenon to my advantage.
We’re in our work smarter, not harder season, so tune in to learn more about:
The origin story of Parkinson’s Law
How it leads to major inefficiency and wasted meetings
How to use it to our advantage to get more productive
Setting time limits and deadlines to keep you on track
My favourite time management and calendar strategies (hellllo pomodoro)
Banishing ‘busy culture’ and reworking the corporate 9-5
Why multitasking can work against you
Let’s take back control of our time and get back to living.
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
PS: If you’ve been toying with the idea of launching a podcast but aren’t sure where to start or how to grow, check our consulting services at teachmehowtoadult.ca/howtopodcast!
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 248: Bonus Back To School Quickie: Adulting Through The Eyes Of My Seven-Year-Old Niece, Isabelle
We’re joined today by a very special guest for a bonus back to school quickie — introducing my sweet and insightful seven year-old niece, Isabelle! Belle is always coming out with advice far beyond her years, so we’re making it official and picking her brain on friendship, confidence, money, and adulting. Because kids say the darndest things!
We’re joined today by a very special guest for a bonus back to school quickie — introducing my sweet and insightful seven year-old niece, Isabelle! Belle is always coming out with advice far beyond her years, so we’re making it official and picking her brain on friendship, confidence, money, and adulting. Because kids say the darndest things!
I hope this conversation brings as much wholesome joy to your day as it did to mine. Join us as we chat about:
How to manage stress and feel more confident
How to make new friends
What to do if someone is being unkind to you
Financial advice from a second grader
The best tips to prepare us for adulthood
Thanks to Isabelle for being such a great guest — we hope she comes back soon!
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
PS: If you’ve been toying with the idea of launching a podcast but aren’t sure where to start or how to grow, check our consulting services at teachmehowtoadult.ca/howtopodcast!
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 247: How To Hack Your Habits, Rewire Your Brain & Leverage Dopamine, with Neuroscientist Nicole Vignola
I don’t know about you, but no matter how old I get, September will always feel like that fresh back to school milestone where you get back into your routine and set new goals and habits. And today’s episode is a must-listen to help us get back on track — we called in the internet’s favourite habits and brain expert, neuroscientist Nicole Vignola.
Welcome back to the show!!! We have an incredible fall lineup planned, and I’m so glad you’re here.
I don’t know about you, but no matter how old I get, September will always feel like that fresh back to school milestone where you get back into your routine and set new goals and habits. And today’s episode is a must-listen to help us get back on track — we called in the internet’s favourite habits and brain expert, neuroscientist Nicole Vignola.
This interview is an empowering reminder that you are not stuck in your life. No matter where you’re at, you are capable of rewiring your brain and changing your life for the better. We’ve probably all said or heard, “I’m just wired this way.” But the science is in… and that’s not true. We can completely reshape and rewire our subconsciously programmed beliefs and change our thoughts, behaviours, and routines.
So today, we’re diving into·the science of breaking bad habits and how to make good ones, the principles of neuroplasticity and how to leverage it for positive change, neurohacks for changing our behavioural patterns, how to focus better and learn new skills, and how to improve our mental health by improving our brain health.
Nicole Vignola is a neuroscientist, keynote speaker, author and expert in organizational psychology who teaches people around the world about the science of human optimization, health and longevity, mental health, and peak performance.
Tune in as we learn about:
The principles of neuroplasticity
Why it feels so hard to make big changes
The anatomy of a habit, and the key to making a new habit stick
How long it takes to fully integrate new habits
Building a routine around time of day and your chemical reactions
The truth about negativity bias and positive reinforcement
Using big life changes as a catalyst
Reducing our phone usage
A genius way to break a bad habit
How dopamine impacts motivation and warps time
Boosting productivity by maximizing your mental currency
Why brain health is key for mental health
Nicole’s refreshing take on failure
Follow Nicole:
- Get her revolutionary first book, Rewire: Break The Cycle, Alter Your Thoughts and Create Lasting Change
- Follow Nicole on Instagram
- Check out her website
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 241: Stop Perfectionism With This Game-Changing Reframe On Success | I’m The Problem, It’s Me
I’ve always struggled with perfectionism and getting caught up in an endless cycle where no success is ever enough, I’m constantly dissatisfied with my achievements, and always in search of something I can’t grasp because I’m forever moving the benchmark of what success should be.
Today’s adulting confession: I have a toxic relationship with success.
Welcome back to another episode of “I’m the problem, it’s me,” where I call bullshit on myself for the things I’m getting wrong, so we can all learn from the struggle.
I’ve always struggled with perfectionism and getting caught up in an endless cycle where no success is ever enough, I’m constantly dissatisfied with my achievements, and always in search of something I can’t grasp because I’m forever moving the benchmark of what success should be.
I’ve learned that the antidote to this unachievable idea of success is (spoiler alert!) learning to embrace the journey, and find fulfillment in the doing.
Today’s episode dives into the game-changing reframe my amazing career coach gave me to help me redefine success and overcome my limiting beliefs. If you’re feeling stuck, this is a must-listen tool that has stopped everyone I’ve shared it with in their tracks.
Tune in to hear more about:
Perfectionism and defining your self-worth
Feeling dissatisfied with your successes
How my toxic ideas of success have held me back
The a-ha advice that reframed my idea of success
How I now define failure
Overcoming comparison and procrastination
The power of self-accountability for confidence and self-efficacy
You’ve got this!
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 239: How To Overcome Fear, Embrace The Cringe & Become A Confident Public Speaker, with Judi Holler
Public speaking is one of the most common anxieties — surveys show up to 75% of people fear public speaking. And that’s not the only thing fear holds us back from. Fear of judgment, failure, change, coming off as “cringe”… our fear of fear keeps us from reaching our full potential. But as today’s guest Judi Holler explains, our goal shouldn’t be to be fearless. The goal is to be courageous. To be scared, and do it anyway.
Public speaking is one of the most common anxieties — surveys show up to 75% of people fear public speaking. And that’s not the only thing fear holds us back from. Fear of judgment, failure, change, coming off as “cringe”… our fear of fear keeps us from reaching our full potential. But as today’s guest Judi Holler explains, our goal shouldn’t be to be fearless. The goal is to be courageous. To be scared, and do it anyway.
It’s hard to get uncomfortable, but it’s even harder to never try.
This interview is a must-hear pep-talk for reframing our relationship with fear, caring less what other people think, and building confidence so we can show up as our fullest selves. Whether you dream of a life on stage performing or delivering keynotes, or you want to be able to present at work or make a toast at a wedding without having a panic attack, becoming a confident public speaker and saying yes to scary things will level up your life.
Judi Holler is a keynote speaker, podcaster, best-selling author, and entrepreneur. She’s built a hugely successful keynote speaking business and a top 13% podcast on iTunes, sharing the power of the CEO mindset and her powerful talks for living a courageous life without regret. Judi has been featured in Forbes and Success Magazine, she’s a Second City Conservatory alumnae, and she is the hype girl that everyone needs in their corner.
Join us as we chat about:
How to exude confidence
Overcoming the fear of judgment to embrace the cringe
Reframing your relationship with fear
How to fear our fear less
The power of vulnerability
Judi’s steps for overcoming stage fright
How to prepare for a big presentation/performance
Should we show up before we’re ready?
What we can learn from the principles of improv
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 237: How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Everyone
Comparison is the thief of joy, but we’ve never lived in a time of greater social comparison. We compare ourselves on every metric: our jobs, our relationships, our homes, our bodies, our social following, our vacations, our money.
Comparison is the thief of joy, but we’ve never lived in a time of greater social comparison. We compare ourselves on every metric: our jobs, our relationships, our homes, our bodies, our social following, our vacations, our money.
Summertime especially can bring up a lot of comparison. It seems like everyone on social media is having the most fun on a beautiful trip with an epic group of friends and impossibly fit bikini bodies.
It’s easy to forget that we’re looking at a highlight reel of everybody else’s lives, comparing their best curated moments to our worst. Here’s the thing… most of the time when we feel like we aren’t enough, or don’t have enough, the people we’re comparing ourselves to don’t even have a life we’d actually want.
The grass isn’t greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water it.
Join me for some vulnerable real-talk on:
The fake side of what we see on social media
Comparing our family life, relationship status and friend groups
Why you don’t need to stop following everyone you compare yourself to
Using envy as your compass and inspiration for what you really want
Overcoming the capitalist idea of competition
How comparison leads to scarcity and lack mentality
How to rewrite the stories we tell ourselves
Recognizing what you ACTUALLY want VS what comparison tricks you into wanting
Carving out your own unique path of success
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 235: How To Beat Money Anxiety, Quit Toxic Budgeting, And Invest With Empowerment, with Finance Coach Nicole Stanley
What’s your relationship to money? Is it rooted in fear? Scarcity? Shame? Abundance? Generosity? It turns out, all the hot stock tips and budgeting hacks are only half of the equation… for a lot of us, the missing ingredient is improving our mindset around money.
What’s your relationship to money? Is it rooted in fear? Scarcity? Shame? Abundance? Generosity? It turns out, all the hot stock tips and budgeting hacks are only half of the equation… for a lot of us, the missing ingredient is improving our mindset around money.
Approaching your money management from a place of empowerment, compassion and self-worth can make all the difference for your financial success, and embracing that financial success can unlock new opportunities and impact in your life: After all, money is a gateway for other areas of growth in your life.
But money is still considered taboo for many, and it can come with all sorts of judgment and anxiety. So we called in Nicole Stanley, the Founder & Head Financial Coach of Arise Financial Coaching. After battling crippling financial anxiety in her early twenties, Nicole enrolled in her first personal finance course and made changes to go from 30K in debt to building over a quarter-million in net worth for her family at age 27. Arise Financial Coaching has now served over 600 clients and has been featured in TIME, Yahoo Finance, & CNET.
Today’s episode is a must-listen reframe if you struggle with financial stress and toxic money patterns. As Nicole says, the way you earn money becomes half of your life… and the way you spend money becomes the other half.
Tune in to hear more about:
Financial habits we should be starting early, no matter how much money we make
How Nicole moved her family from debt to an impressive net worth on a modest salary
Overcoming toxic frugality and financial diet culture
How to budget while still living a life you can enjoy
The energetics of money and what we believe about it
How to overcome scarcity and develop a positive, generous mindset with money
The differences between financial stress and financial anxiety
Nicole’s refreshing take on “lifestyle creep”
The Steps To Success money framework
Leveraging the power of compound interest
Resources mentioned in this episode:
How To Start Saving Money (Today!)
How To Recession-Proof Your Finances
How To Make Passive Income (And Make Your Money Work For You)
Follow Nicole:
On Instagram: @arise.financial.coaching
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 234: The Quickie: Are Boundaries Making Us Assholes? How To Properly Set Them (And Stop Misusing Them)
I have a hot take: Boundaries are giving a lotttt of people a permission slip to be assholes. They’re being mis-used to control, manipulate, and justify selfish behaviour.
I have a hot take: Boundaries are giving a lotttt of people a permission slip to be assholes. They’re being mis-used to control, manipulate, and justify selfish behaviour.
As therapy speak and buzzwords take over the internet and group chats, the overuse can lead to misuse, and a lot of these ideas have become convoluted and misrepresented. (Guys… not EVERYONE is a narcissist, and a disagreement doesn’t mean you were being gaslit.)
Boundaries should start with a respectful dialogue, but these days they’re being used as excuse to ghost, cancel people, always get your way, and avoid dealing with real issues. Don’t get me wrong, as a newly reformed anxious people-pleaser, learning about setting proper boundaries has legit changed my life. But bailing on friends or suddenly cutting off loved ones when you don’t get your way to “protect your peace” isn’t actually how healthy boundaries work.
Boundaries are an amazing tool to protect our wellbeing and our relationships. They should be rooted in kindness and respect, they should aim to bring us closer and build bridges, not walls. And they should always be about the actions you will take to keep yourself safe, not controlling other people or making demands.
So join me as I go offffff on:
The most common ways boundaries are being unfairly used
How power and control can masquerade as boundaries
How to *actually* set a healthy boundary
Melissa Urban’s traffic light framework for boundary-setting
Scripts for kind and gentle boundaries
How improperly using boundaries leads to avoidance
Why selective enforcement is hurtful
Resources mentioned: Listen to episode 88 with boundaries expert Melissa Urban
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 230: How To Expand Your Sex life, Try Alternative Relationship Styles, And Practice Ethical Non-Monogamy, with Hayley Folk
Contrary to what we’re taught our whole lives, there’s more than one way to engage in sex, love, and relationships. But what does that look like? Today’s episode is an open and vulnerable conversation with Hayley Folk, a sex writer on a mission to create safe spaces to talk about sex and pleasure.
Contrary to what we’re taught our whole lives, there’s more than one way to engage in sex, love, and relationships. But what does that look like? Today’s episode is an open and vulnerable conversation with Hayley Folk, a sex writer on a mission to create safe spaces to talk about sex and pleasure.
It’s especially important during Pride Month to de-stigmatize sex and sexuality, eradicate judgment, and create safe communities to explore pleasure and identity. So we’re diving deep into ethical non-monogamy, kink, sexual health, boundaries, consent, dating apps, and how to communicate what you want with honesty.
I chat with Hayley Folk, a sex writer whose work has appeared in magazines like Cosmopolitan, Refinery29, Elite Daily, and more. She’s the founder of Naked Folk, a publication and podcast that covers the uncomfortable conversations we should be having about sex and relationships.
Trigger warning: After the first hour, we talk about the impact of nonconsensual sex and assault. If this is something you’d like to avoid, you can stop listening after the 1 hour mark.
Tune in to hear more about:
Ethical non-monogamy 101: Polyamory, open relationships, swinging and more
Hayley’s journey coming out as queer
Boundaries and communication for healthy non-monogamous relationships
Meeting other couples, unicorns, or open partners on apps or play parties
The “one penis policy”
Dealing with jealousy and storytelling
How to get comfortable with dirty talk
Consuming ethical porn
Demystifying BDSM and the kink community
Physical VS verbal kinks
The importance of aftercare
Navigating sexual incompatibility
Consent, respect, and sexual health education
I hope you learn something new about yourself or the spectrum of sexuality from this convo!
Follow Hayley:
https://www.instagram.com/hayley.folk/?hl=en
https://www.instagram.com/nakedfolk/?hl=en
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
Related Episodes:
Episode 228: The Quickie: Why You Need Friends Who Are In Your Life Stage, And How To Navigate The Splinter Era
We’re in the splinter era of friendships (as coined by Tinx), where everyone’s suddenly in different life stages, on very different journeys.
We’re in the splinter era of friendships (as coined by Tinx), where everyone’s suddenly in different life stages, on very different journeys.
While one friend is planning their wedding, another is having her second baby, another is single AF traveling the world in the name of self-discovery, and others are going all in on their new business or corporate ladder climbing. It can feel isolating, confusing, and hard to relate to the people you were always in sync with.
Cue the old childhood Girl Scouts jingle: “Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold.”
It’s so valuable to have friends in different life stages who are going through different experiences, but it’s equally important to surround yourself with people who are where you are in life right now — because being the only single person in a group of married friends fucking sucks.
We tend to expect everything from one person, whether it’s a romantic partner or best friend, but we should be diversifying our needs across many people to feed different parts of ourselves. The friends we make to meet us where we are right now don’t need to be ride-or-die forever besties… there is just as much value in having friends for a season who can walk with you through the current phase you’re in.
So tune in for some real talk on friendships, where I chat about:
The repercussions of splinter era and why this is unique to our generation
The different kinds off friends you need
The value of finding our work wives, single friends, and fellow mamas
Investing in seasonal friends and deprioritizing the idea of “forever friends”
How to meet new friends that meet your needs
The Mel Robbins analogy that changed how I approach friendship
Wherever you are on your adulting journey, I hope you find good people to walk it with. You’ve got this!
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
Related Episodes:
Episode 226: How To Claim Your Worth, Get Paid What You Deserve, And Finally Feel Like Enough, with Leisse Wilcox
A lot of us are fighting the feeling that no matter how much we accomplish, how hard we work, and how much money we make, we’ll never be enough. These limiting beliefs and patterns can keep us playing small and downplay our worth at work. That trickles into everything, from our relationships to how much income we make.
You cannot over-perform your way to feeling enough… and if that just hit you like a bus, this episode is required listening.
A lot of us are fighting the feeling that no matter how much we accomplish, how hard we work, and how much money we make, we’ll never be enough. These limiting beliefs and patterns can keep us playing small and downplay our worth at work. That trickles into everything, from our relationships to how much income we make.
So we’re welcoming back to the show Leisse Wilcox, a performance and emotional intelligence coach who helps people align their net-worth with their self-worth. Leisse was on the podcast all the way back in 2020, in episode 21, to talk about mindset and resilience. And I’m thrilled to share our conversation today as we tackle worthiness, the wage gap, our money stories, and uncoupling our value from what we do for work.
Leisse is a keynote speaker, leadership consultant, performance coach, emotional intelligence expert and two-times best-selling author. Known as “the Marie Kondo of your Unconscious”, She helps clients and businesses turns self-sabotage into success in each of life's cornerstone areas, combining strategic consulting and therapeutic coaching tools.
Tune in as we chat about:
Breaking out of the narratives that keep us stuck in doing too much and not feeling like enough
What does “enough” feel like?
The 4 ‘P’s of self-sabotage
What we’re getting wrong about impostor syndrome
How “proving our worth” leads to burnout
Financial anxiety and how our self-worth impacts our income
Understanding your unconscious money story
Fixing our scarcity beliefs around safety and money
What does living a balanced life actually mean for over-achievers?
Follow Leisse on Instagram and check out her website.
Read Leisse’s bestselling books, To Call Myself Beloved and Alone: The Truth + Beauty of Belonging.
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
PS: If you’ve been dreaming of pivoting into podcasting but aren’t sure where to start or how to grow, check our consulting services at teachmehowtoadult.ca/howtopodcast.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
Related Episodes:
Episode 224: Take Control Of Your Mental Health And Wellbeing With The Life Force Pyramid From Psychiatrist Phil Stutz
It’s mental health awareness month, and it honestly feels like there’s more people than ever before struggling with anxiety, depression and mental health issues. So this week we’re diving into a helpful tool for building the foundation of your mental health, using the Life Force Method from Jonah Hill’s therapist, Stutz.
It’s mental health awareness month, and it honestly feels like there’s more people than ever before struggling with anxiety, depression and mental health issues. So this week we’re diving into a helpful tool for building the foundation of your mental health, using the Life Force Method from Jonah Hill’s therapist, Stutz.
The method builds on the three levels that are key for our emotional wellbeing: our relationship with our body, relationships with others, and our relationship with self. This simple pyramid can be a real game-changing check-in when you feel your mental wellness start to slip.
Tune in to hear more about:
My personal experiences managing my mental health, and the pillars I use
Stutz’s Life Force Method Pyramid
Taking care of your physical health and body
How exercise can help you transform emotions
Nurturing supportive relationships for better mental health
Why you should cut out toxic people
Tools to cultivate a better relationship with yourself
Setting goals and finding purpose
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
PS: If you’ve been dreaming of pivoting into podcasting but aren’t sure where to start or how to grow, check our consulting services at teachmehowtoadult.ca/howtopodcast.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
Related Episodes:
Episode 222: How To Embrace Change And Tolerate Uncertainty
Change is one of the only constants in life, but a lot of people are really adverse to it. TBH, I actually thrive in change and chaos, I’m always seeking newness, so this week I’m sharing how I overcome fear of change to approach it with a growth mindset.
Change is one of the only constants in life, but a lot of people are really adverse to it. TBH, I actually thrive in change and chaos, I’m always seeking newness, so this week I’m sharing how I overcome fear of change to approach it with a growth mindset.
Tim Ferris says “People would rather be unhappy than uncertain.” Change is hard because it comes with a loss of control, and it often means letting go of how things are to embrace something new. But what is the safety and comfort of remaining the same costing you?
And how do we get better at such an important, but uncomfortable, life skill?
Tune in as I chat about:
The change we choose VS change that happens to us
The grief that can come with change
Why I struggle with changing relationships
Adopting a growth mindset
Questions to ask that will make change easier
Building resilience and tracking your wins
How practicing impermanence can help
Working on your inner stability to deal with unstable environments
If you’re toying with changes in your life right now, just remember that people often regret what they didn’t do more than what they did. You got this.
PS: If you’ve been toying with the idea of launching a podcast but aren’t sure where to start or how to grow, check our consulting services at teachmehowtoadult.ca/howtopodcast!
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
Related Episodes:
Episode 220: How To Deal With A Layoff, And Knowing When It’s Time To Quit A Toxic Workplace
WTF happened to job security? A new round of tech and media layoffs are announced every week (looking at you, Tesla and Microsoft) and booming industries go bust faster than Tswift tickets sell out.
WTF happened to job security? A new round of tech and media layoffs are announced every week (looking at you, Tesla and Microsoft) and booming industries go bust faster than Tswift tickets sell out.
But on the flip side, with layoffs becoming the new norm, we’re starting to detach our worth and loyalty from a corporate job. Gone are the days when quitting a job and jumping between companies was frowned upon: We’re not down with toxic work environments and underpaid gigs.
So how do you prepare for the ending of a job, whether by choice or by layoff?
Join Carolyn and I as we chat about:
Caro and Gill’s layoff experiences
Reviewing your severance and why it’s worth consulting a lawyer
Things you can negotiate in your contract up-front
What to do right after you’ve been laid off
The power of vulnerability (and why everyone is sharing on social media)
Finding empowerment and detaching your worth from a job
Signs your workplace is toxic
How to know when to quit your job
Advocating for yourself before you quit
PS: If you’ve been toying with the idea of launching a podcast but aren’t sure where to start or how to grow, check our consulting services at teachmehowtoadult.ca/howtopodcast!
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
Related Episodes:
Episode 218: How To Work While Traveling The World (And Hacks To Do It On A Budget)
If you’ve dreamt of travelling the world while you work and living that #DigitalNomad life, it’s time to stop dreaming and start planning, because it’s more possible than you might think.
If you’ve dreamt of travelling the world while you work and living that #DigitalNomad life, it’s time to stop dreaming and start planning, because it’s more possible than you might think. For remote WFH employees, freelancers and entrepreneurs, our ability to work from just about anywhere is wildly underused. There’s a whole world out there that we can enjoy between meetings, with better views than our kitchen table.
So shoot your workcation shot and tune into this updated throwback episode with Gill and Cailyn on all the tips and planning hacks to kill it in your career while travelling to epic places.
Prepare for takeoff as we chat about:
Why workcations can work for corporate employees
How to choose your travel destinations
Navigating working in different timezones
Budgeting tips for your time working abroad
Setting expectations at work and communicating with managers/clients
The logistics of planning a trip around your work schedule
How to make the most of balancing work and travel
Travel on a budget with Kindred’s members-only house-swapping! Earn free credits with my invite code: GIL.BER1
PS: If you’ve been toying with the idea of launching a podcast but aren’t sure where to start or how to grow, check our consulting services at teachmehowtoadult.ca/howtopodcast!