Episode 234: The Quickie: Are Boundaries Making Us Assholes? How To Properly Set Them (And Stop Misusing Them)
I have a hot take: Boundaries are giving a lotttt of people a permission slip to be assholes. They’re being mis-used to control, manipulate, and justify selfish behaviour.
I have a hot take: Boundaries are giving a lotttt of people a permission slip to be assholes. They’re being mis-used to control, manipulate, and justify selfish behaviour.
As therapy speak and buzzwords take over the internet and group chats, the overuse can lead to misuse, and a lot of these ideas have become convoluted and misrepresented. (Guys… not EVERYONE is a narcissist, and a disagreement doesn’t mean you were being gaslit.)
Boundaries should start with a respectful dialogue, but these days they’re being used as excuse to ghost, cancel people, always get your way, and avoid dealing with real issues. Don’t get me wrong, as a newly reformed anxious people-pleaser, learning about setting proper boundaries has legit changed my life. But bailing on friends or suddenly cutting off loved ones when you don’t get your way to “protect your peace” isn’t actually how healthy boundaries work.
Boundaries are an amazing tool to protect our wellbeing and our relationships. They should be rooted in kindness and respect, they should aim to bring us closer and build bridges, not walls. And they should always be about the actions you will take to keep yourself safe, not controlling other people or making demands.
So join me as I go offffff on:
The most common ways boundaries are being unfairly used
How power and control can masquerade as boundaries
How to *actually* set a healthy boundary
Melissa Urban’s traffic light framework for boundary-setting
Scripts for kind and gentle boundaries
How improperly using boundaries leads to avoidance
Why selective enforcement is hurtful
Resources mentioned: Listen to episode 88 with boundaries expert Melissa Urban
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Related Episodes:
Episode 73: Teach Me How Beat Burnout And Find Balance| Summer Rewind
For the rest of the summer, we’re doing a Summer Rewind, re-releasing some of our must-listen episodes as we ramp up to the launch of season two. See you in September friends!
One of the things we’ve been hearing most for the last while (outside of “unprecedented times” and “You’re on mute!”) is that our friends and families are feeling hella burnt out right now.
And even though our lives have slowed down and become more minimal in some ways, life is picking back up again and there’s a lot more stress, expectation and pressure overall.
For the rest of the summer, we’re doing a Summer Rewind, re-releasing some of our must-listen episodes as we ramp up to the launch of season two. See you in September friends!
One of the things we’ve been hearing most for the last while (outside of “unprecedented times” and “You’re on mute!”) is that our friends and families are feeling hella burnt out right now.
And even though our lives have slowed down and become more minimal in some ways, life is picking back up again and there’s a lot more stress, expectation and pressure overall.
Listen along as we dive into:
What burnout really means
The signs you might be burnt out
Why we’re all feeling it more than ever
How social media can contribute to burnout
How boundaries can help you take back control of your time, energy & wellbeing
The importance of prioritizing sleep and wellness
Why you need to slow down and ask for help when you need it
Mastering your mindset and re-thinking how you measure success
How to fall in love with your life again and find joy everyday
Incorporating self-care daily, and not just on #selfcaresunday
Knowing when it’s time to say “thank you, next!” to your job
We hope this episode helps you prevent or recover from burnout, because you are more than your job and productivity, and you deserve a balanced life. Sending you all lots of love.
