Episode 234: The Quickie: Are Boundaries Making Us Assholes? How To Properly Set Them (And Stop Misusing Them)
I have a hot take: Boundaries are giving a lotttt of people a permission slip to be assholes. They’re being mis-used to control, manipulate, and justify selfish behaviour.
I have a hot take: Boundaries are giving a lotttt of people a permission slip to be assholes. They’re being mis-used to control, manipulate, and justify selfish behaviour.
As therapy speak and buzzwords take over the internet and group chats, the overuse can lead to misuse, and a lot of these ideas have become convoluted and misrepresented. (Guys… not EVERYONE is a narcissist, and a disagreement doesn’t mean you were being gaslit.)
Boundaries should start with a respectful dialogue, but these days they’re being used as excuse to ghost, cancel people, always get your way, and avoid dealing with real issues. Don’t get me wrong, as a newly reformed anxious people-pleaser, learning about setting proper boundaries has legit changed my life. But bailing on friends or suddenly cutting off loved ones when you don’t get your way to “protect your peace” isn’t actually how healthy boundaries work.
Boundaries are an amazing tool to protect our wellbeing and our relationships. They should be rooted in kindness and respect, they should aim to bring us closer and build bridges, not walls. And they should always be about the actions you will take to keep yourself safe, not controlling other people or making demands.
So join me as I go offffff on:
The most common ways boundaries are being unfairly used
How power and control can masquerade as boundaries
How to *actually* set a healthy boundary
Melissa Urban’s traffic light framework for boundary-setting
Scripts for kind and gentle boundaries
How improperly using boundaries leads to avoidance
Why selective enforcement is hurtful
Resources mentioned: Listen to episode 88 with boundaries expert Melissa Urban
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 230: How To Expand Your Sex life, Try Alternative Relationship Styles, And Practice Ethical Non-Monogamy, with Hayley Folk
Contrary to what we’re taught our whole lives, there’s more than one way to engage in sex, love, and relationships. But what does that look like? Today’s episode is an open and vulnerable conversation with Hayley Folk, a sex writer on a mission to create safe spaces to talk about sex and pleasure.
Contrary to what we’re taught our whole lives, there’s more than one way to engage in sex, love, and relationships. But what does that look like? Today’s episode is an open and vulnerable conversation with Hayley Folk, a sex writer on a mission to create safe spaces to talk about sex and pleasure.
It’s especially important during Pride Month to de-stigmatize sex and sexuality, eradicate judgment, and create safe communities to explore pleasure and identity. So we’re diving deep into ethical non-monogamy, kink, sexual health, boundaries, consent, dating apps, and how to communicate what you want with honesty.
I chat with Hayley Folk, a sex writer whose work has appeared in magazines like Cosmopolitan, Refinery29, Elite Daily, and more. She’s the founder of Naked Folk, a publication and podcast that covers the uncomfortable conversations we should be having about sex and relationships.
Trigger warning: After the first hour, we talk about the impact of nonconsensual sex and assault. If this is something you’d like to avoid, you can stop listening after the 1 hour mark.
Tune in to hear more about:
Ethical non-monogamy 101: Polyamory, open relationships, swinging and more
Hayley’s journey coming out as queer
Boundaries and communication for healthy non-monogamous relationships
Meeting other couples, unicorns, or open partners on apps or play parties
The “one penis policy”
Dealing with jealousy and storytelling
How to get comfortable with dirty talk
Consuming ethical porn
Demystifying BDSM and the kink community
Physical VS verbal kinks
The importance of aftercare
Navigating sexual incompatibility
Consent, respect, and sexual health education
I hope you learn something new about yourself or the spectrum of sexuality from this convo!
Follow Hayley:
https://www.instagram.com/hayley.folk/?hl=en
https://www.instagram.com/nakedfolk/?hl=en
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 228: The Quickie: Why You Need Friends Who Are In Your Life Stage, And How To Navigate The Splinter Era
We’re in the splinter era of friendships (as coined by Tinx), where everyone’s suddenly in different life stages, on very different journeys.
We’re in the splinter era of friendships (as coined by Tinx), where everyone’s suddenly in different life stages, on very different journeys.
While one friend is planning their wedding, another is having her second baby, another is single AF traveling the world in the name of self-discovery, and others are going all in on their new business or corporate ladder climbing. It can feel isolating, confusing, and hard to relate to the people you were always in sync with.
Cue the old childhood Girl Scouts jingle: “Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold.”
It’s so valuable to have friends in different life stages who are going through different experiences, but it’s equally important to surround yourself with people who are where you are in life right now — because being the only single person in a group of married friends fucking sucks.
We tend to expect everything from one person, whether it’s a romantic partner or best friend, but we should be diversifying our needs across many people to feed different parts of ourselves. The friends we make to meet us where we are right now don’t need to be ride-or-die forever besties… there is just as much value in having friends for a season who can walk with you through the current phase you’re in.
So tune in for some real talk on friendships, where I chat about:
The repercussions of splinter era and why this is unique to our generation
The different kinds off friends you need
The value of finding our work wives, single friends, and fellow mamas
Investing in seasonal friends and deprioritizing the idea of “forever friends”
How to meet new friends that meet your needs
The Mel Robbins analogy that changed how I approach friendship
Wherever you are on your adulting journey, I hope you find good people to walk it with. You’ve got this!
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 226: How To Claim Your Worth, Get Paid What You Deserve, And Finally Feel Like Enough, with Leisse Wilcox
A lot of us are fighting the feeling that no matter how much we accomplish, how hard we work, and how much money we make, we’ll never be enough. These limiting beliefs and patterns can keep us playing small and downplay our worth at work. That trickles into everything, from our relationships to how much income we make.
You cannot over-perform your way to feeling enough… and if that just hit you like a bus, this episode is required listening.
A lot of us are fighting the feeling that no matter how much we accomplish, how hard we work, and how much money we make, we’ll never be enough. These limiting beliefs and patterns can keep us playing small and downplay our worth at work. That trickles into everything, from our relationships to how much income we make.
So we’re welcoming back to the show Leisse Wilcox, a performance and emotional intelligence coach who helps people align their net-worth with their self-worth. Leisse was on the podcast all the way back in 2020, in episode 21, to talk about mindset and resilience. And I’m thrilled to share our conversation today as we tackle worthiness, the wage gap, our money stories, and uncoupling our value from what we do for work.
Leisse is a keynote speaker, leadership consultant, performance coach, emotional intelligence expert and two-times best-selling author. Known as “the Marie Kondo of your Unconscious”, She helps clients and businesses turns self-sabotage into success in each of life's cornerstone areas, combining strategic consulting and therapeutic coaching tools.
Tune in as we chat about:
Breaking out of the narratives that keep us stuck in doing too much and not feeling like enough
What does “enough” feel like?
The 4 ‘P’s of self-sabotage
What we’re getting wrong about impostor syndrome
How “proving our worth” leads to burnout
Financial anxiety and how our self-worth impacts our income
Understanding your unconscious money story
Fixing our scarcity beliefs around safety and money
What does living a balanced life actually mean for over-achievers?
Follow Leisse on Instagram and check out her website.
Read Leisse’s bestselling books, To Call Myself Beloved and Alone: The Truth + Beauty of Belonging.
Our show is produced by:
Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer
For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.
PS: If you’ve been dreaming of pivoting into podcasting but aren’t sure where to start or how to grow, check our consulting services at teachmehowtoadult.ca/howtopodcast.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 40: How To Love Yourself More
If you have an idea that you can’t stop dreaming about, this week’s episode is the inspo you need. We chat with Ashley Freeborn, the founder and CEO of the renowned fashion brand Smash + Tess, about all things brand building, entrepreneurship, using fear to fuel your fire, and tapping your network to help get your idea off the ground.
You’ve probably seen people rocking Ashley’s rompers on instagram, or heard about her epic collabs with Jillian Harris, Sarah Landry of The Birds Papaya and Hilary Duff, just to name a few. Her brand started the #romperrevolution but here’s why we honed in on Smash + Tess for today’s episode: Ashley isn’t a serial entrepreneur or longtime business or fashion mogul, she just had an idea to fill a gap in the market, and made her dream a huge reality. What she created is so much more than a clothing company, it’s a community, a lifestyle and an inclusive brand that empowers women to live their best lives.
This episode is brought to you by Dove
Vaxxed girl summer is in full swing, and there’s so much good energy and hope again! But summer can also be a very triggering time for a lot of people when it comes to body image and insecurities. We polled you guys on Instagram about how you’re feeling in terms of confidence and self-acceptance, and we learned that we’re definitely not alone in this feeling. 76% of you said that summer triggers your insecurities, while 77% of you are feeling anxious about re-emerging from lockdowns with all the physical and mental changes we’ve undergone. 91% of you said that you struggle with negative self-talk, and we feel you...we can all be our own worst critics and bullies.
That’s why we called in body positivity activist and the Queen of confidence, Roxy Earle. We’re on a mission to help everyone (including ourselves) positively develop the single most important relationship we’ll ever have — our relationship with ourselves. And that requires unconditional self-love, compassion, gratitude and some helpful tools to get us out of negative spirals when we’re struggling with our self-esteem or body image.
Roxy is a former marketing professional turned model, entrepreneur, body positivity activist and a star on Real Housewives of Toronto. She started the #MySizeRox movement, which advocates that confidence comes in all shapes and sizes. She’s worked with brands like Knix, H&M, Le Chateau and Joe Fresh to bring more inclusive sizing and styles to their stores, and is launching the Ana App, which is a tool to increase positivity & confidence while also optimizing your health.
Tune in as we chat about:
Gill’s mindset shift for dealing with negative spirals, finding pride and respect in herself, and abandoning clothing sizes
Cailyn’s newfound outlook on self-love & body image as a soon-to-be mom
The moment that inspired Roxy to start the #MySizeRoxs movement
How confidence became her secret sauce and how to cultivate it (hint: it’s not genetic, it’s accountability!)
Roxy’s tips for practicing positive self-talk and self-love daily
Why Roxy is advocating for inclusivity and representation in the fashion industry
How a gratitude practice can help you combat insecurities and change your life
Why filters and body contouring apps are unattainable, exhausting and quite honestly...boring!
The mindset shift to have a healthier relationship with your body
The importance of practicing and modelling self-love as a parent
The #1 tip for looking and feeling your best in photos
We hope this episode inspires you to wear the damn shorts this summer and to start loving yourself unconditionally. You deserve it. And if you need any support on your self-love journey, we’re here for you.
Follow Roxy:
Get the Ana App (coming soon):
