Episode 99: Asking for a friend: how do I date my damn self?
It’s officially the month of love (and the unofficial Miley-buy-yourself-flowers month!), so we’re kicking it off with an episode dedicated to the real love of our life – ourselves! It’s easy to get so focused on dating and romance, that we forget about the importance of self-love, and we’re ready to change that.
Whether you’re feeling lonely or single, or craving some you-time in your relationship, learning to date yourself is a practice that can literally change your life. Because the way you treat yourself will impact the love you attract and the future fulfillment you feel.
It’s officially the month of love (and the unofficial Miley-buy-yourself-flowers month!), so we’re kicking it off with an episode dedicated to the real love of our life – ourselves! It’s easy to get so focused on dating and romance, that we forget about the importance of self-love, and we’re ready to change that.
Whether you’re feeling lonely or single, or craving some you-time in your relationship, learning to date yourself is a practice that can literally change your life. Because the way you treat yourself will impact the love you attract and the future fulfillment you feel.
And this isn’t just for the singles! Learning to fulfill your own needs, take yourself out, and romanticize your day-to-day will positively affect all your relationships, and it starts with showing up for your damn self. Luckily, Gill has been on a self-love journey through singledom and solo living, and she’s here to spill the tea on everything she’s learned along the way.
So if you’re ready to enter your Miley era, join us as we chat about:
What dating yourself *actually* means
Why it’s time to stop putting your life on hold
Reclaiming your alone time and reframing loneliness
How to take yourself on a solo date
Ways to romance yourself in the day-to-day
Why you should be giving yourself your love language
The deep inner work that will increase self-compassion and self-love
We hope this episode inspires you to hold your own damn hand and start prioritizing YOU! If you have any burning questions for us and you want to get us in the hotseat, DM or email us your Qs at contact@teachmehowtoadult.ca and we’ll dive into them in an upcoming Asking For A Friend.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
Related Episodes:
Episode 79: How To be More Honest
The one where Cailyn and Gill get realll honest about honesty… and it’s a juicy, therapeutic and vulnerable ride. Because let’s be honest: It isn’t always easy to tell the truth — to ourselves or to others.
Whether you’re struggling to have honest conversations, to admit the truth (to yourself or others), or you tend to hide things that are uncomfortable, it’s true what they say: The truth will set you free, and allow you to live your life unapologetically.
The one where Cailyn and Gill get realll honest about honesty… and it’s a juicy, therapeutic and vulnerable ride. Because let’s be honest: It isn’t always easy to tell the truth — to ourselves or to others.
Whether you’re struggling to have honest conversations, to admit the truth (to yourself or others), or you tend to hide things that are uncomfortable, it’s true what they say: The truth will set you free, and allow you to live your life unapologetically.
This week we’re diving into our own journeys with honesty, how fear and shame can hold us back, how figuring out who you really are will help you live more honestly, and when it might be okay to tell a little fib. Buckle up, because we’re going deep.
Tune in as we chat about:
Different kinds of lies and the toll they take on our health
The motivations behind being dishonest
How being honest with ourselves is the first step
Owning who you are and what you really want
How shame and fear influence honesty
Accepting that you won’t have the answer to everything
The freeing benefits of radical honesty
When it’s appropriate to tell a white lie
We hope this episode helps you get real with yourself, who you are and how you feel, for a freer, more connected life!
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 75: Teach Me How To Build Resilience and Master My Mindset, with Leisse Wilcox | Summer Rewind
For the rest of the summer, we’re doing a Summer Rewind, re-releasing some of our must-listen episodes as we ramp up to the launch of season two. See you in September friends!
Change and adversity are the only constant in this life, and if this year has taught us anything, it’s that the more you focus on building a solid foundation within yourself, the more external chaos you can handle.
For the rest of the summer, we’re doing a Summer Rewind, re-releasing some of our must-listen episodes as we ramp up to the launch of season two. See you in September friends!
It feels like change and adversity are the only constant in this life, and if this year has taught us anything, it’s that the more you focus on building a solid foundation within yourself, the more external chaos you can handle.
Shifting our mindsets, perception and reactions is far from easy, but that’s the key to healthily recovering from turmoil and trauma. So, we called in mindset and success coach Leisse Wilcox to teach us everything we need to know about how to cultivate mental resilience and turn whatever life throws at you into a beautiful story.
And Liesse is not just your average coach. She is a coveted mindset coach, podcast host, AND bestselling author, who is changing the global conversation on emotional health & wellness. She literally wrote the book on turning adversity into opportunities for growth, joy and beauty.
Listen to our chat with Liesse to learn more about:
Our tools for bouncing back from adversity
Why your mindset matters
The meaning of emotional alchemy (turning the dark and heavy pieces of your life into something beautiful and light)
Leisse’s 10 steps to cultivating emotional alchemy
How to avoid toxic positivity and *actually* deal with your sh*t
Ways to process and feel your feelings
How to make a difficult life change with grit and grace
The importance of staying in the present moment and “zooming out”
Why gratitude is the key to mindset
We hope this episode helps you center yourself and find grace in these ~unprecedented~ times.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 74: Teach Me How To Crush My Workouts and Level Up My Fitness, with Beverley Cheng | Summer Rewind
For the rest of the summer, we’re doing a Summer Rewind, re-releasing some of our must-listen episodes as we ramp up to the launch of season two. See you in September friends!
If you’ve been thinking about getting back into your health and fitness routine (especially while we’re stuck at home), we got you. In episode 9, we sat down with fitness coach and founder of Born To Sweat, Beverley Cheng, to learn about motivation tips, how to set realistic goals, how to track your progress, proper form for weight room power moves, and three things you can start doing TODAY to live a healthier life (spoiler alert: we need to start drinking water).
For the rest of the summer, we’re doing a Summer Rewind, re-releasing some of our must-listen episodes as we ramp up to the launch of season two. See you in September friends!
If you’ve been thinking about getting back into your health and fitness routine (especially while we’re stuck at home), we got you. In episode 9, we sat down with fitness coach and founder of Born To Sweat, Beverley Cheng, to learn about motivation tips, how to set realistic goals, how to track your progress, proper form for weight room power moves, and three things you can start doing TODAY to live a healthier life (spoiler alert: we need to start drinking water).
Beverley is the brains (and brawn) behind Borntosweat.co which serves up fitness, health, recipe and wellness content. She hosts epic fitness retreats, runs a 1:1 coaching program and a variety of workout programs, and she has her own clothing apparel line! Prepare to get super fired up and inspired.
Join us as we discuss:
How to find a routine you'll actually to stick to
The importance of a positive mindset
How to create solid habits and schedules
Finding motivation and staying on track
Overcoming anxiety in the gym
How to set realistic goals
The best way to track progress
We hope this episode helps you find balance and hone your fitness goals.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 73: Teach Me How Beat Burnout And Find Balance| Summer Rewind
For the rest of the summer, we’re doing a Summer Rewind, re-releasing some of our must-listen episodes as we ramp up to the launch of season two. See you in September friends!
One of the things we’ve been hearing most for the last while (outside of “unprecedented times” and “You’re on mute!”) is that our friends and families are feeling hella burnt out right now.
And even though our lives have slowed down and become more minimal in some ways, life is picking back up again and there’s a lot more stress, expectation and pressure overall.
For the rest of the summer, we’re doing a Summer Rewind, re-releasing some of our must-listen episodes as we ramp up to the launch of season two. See you in September friends!
One of the things we’ve been hearing most for the last while (outside of “unprecedented times” and “You’re on mute!”) is that our friends and families are feeling hella burnt out right now.
And even though our lives have slowed down and become more minimal in some ways, life is picking back up again and there’s a lot more stress, expectation and pressure overall.
Listen along as we dive into:
What burnout really means
The signs you might be burnt out
Why we’re all feeling it more than ever
How social media can contribute to burnout
How boundaries can help you take back control of your time, energy & wellbeing
The importance of prioritizing sleep and wellness
Why you need to slow down and ask for help when you need it
Mastering your mindset and re-thinking how you measure success
How to fall in love with your life again and find joy everyday
Incorporating self-care daily, and not just on #selfcaresunday
Knowing when it’s time to say “thank you, next!” to your job
We hope this episode helps you prevent or recover from burnout, because you are more than your job and productivity, and you deserve a balanced life. Sending you all lots of love.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 66: How To Ditch Toxic Positivity and Feel for Real, with Psychotherapist Whitney Goodman
Unpopular opinion: It’s NOT always healthy to find the silver lining in everything. Some things just suck, and we don’t always need to look on the bright side, at the expense of *actually* processing hard feelings.
Our culture is obsessed with a “good vibes only,” and “everything happens for a reason” state of mind that makes us feel like we’re failing if we’re not happy 100% of the time. Trying to see the positive isn’t always positive, sometimes shit happens that doesn’t make us stronger, and we’re ready to break up with toxic positivity so we can fully experience our emotions AND our loved ones’ feelings. (Because nothing is worse than platitudes.)
Unpopular opinion: It’s NOT always healthy to find the silver lining in everything. Some things just suck, and we don’t always need to look on the bright side, at the expense of *actually* processing hard feelings.
Our culture is obsessed with a “good vibes only,” and “everything happens for a reason” state of mind that makes us feel like we’re failing if we’re not happy 100% of the time. Trying to see the positive isn’t always positive, sometimes shit happens that doesn’t make us stronger, and we’re ready to break up with toxic positivity so we can fully experience our emotions AND our loved ones’ feelings. (Because nothing is worse than platitudes.)
So this week we called in author and psychotherapist, Whitney Goodman, to help us ditch toxic positivity and get real with our emotions. Whitney is the author of the book Toxic Positivity, a columnist for Psychology Today and appears regularly in publications like The New York Times and Teen Vogue.
No one should have to pretend that everything’s ok when it isn’t, so if you’re looking for some validation, you’ve come to the right place!
Join us as we chat about:
The signs of toxic positivity and why it gets in the way of your healing
Finding the balance between optimism, negativity and toxic positivity
How to deal with friends and family who dismiss your struggles
The productive VS annoying way to complain
The impact of social media on toxic positivity
How to show up for others in a supportive way
We hope this episode helps you deal with your shit and feel all of your very valid feelings.
Follow Whitney:
Toxic Positivity: Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 65: How To Hack Your Memory And Clear Brain Fog
We all know that the years start coming and they don’t stop coming, but we’re starting to have trouble remembering them. Our memories are an essential part of who we are and this week we learned there’s A LOT that can impact our ability to remember the good old days (or just that person’s name we met five minutes ago, tbh).
If you’ve been feeling some brain fog lately you’re not alone — surprisingly, there’s a lot that goes into maintaining our memory, especially when a global health crisis cuts off the stimulation our minds need to stay sharp.
But we’re diving into hacking our brainwaves and training our minds so that we can actually remember all the things we need to do today. May the odds be ever in our favour!
We all know that the years start coming and they don’t stop coming, but we’re starting to have trouble remembering them. Our memories are an essential part of who we are and this week we learned there’s A LOT that can impact our ability to remember the good old days (or just that person’s name we met five minutes ago, tbh).
If you’ve been feeling some brain fog lately you’re not alone — surprisingly, there’s a lot that goes into maintaining our memory, especially when a global health crisis cuts off the stimulation our minds need to stay sharp.
But we’re diving into hacking our brainwaves and training our minds so that we can actually remember all the things we need to do today. May the odds be ever in our favour!
Join us as we chat about:
The three pillars of memory maintenance
How to stimulate both sides of your brain
The impact of staying physically and mentally active
Why sleep rules everything
How managing stress and anxiety can strengthen memory (and why we blackout when stressed)
Quick memory hacks to help you stay sharp
We hope this is an episode you won’t forget!
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
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Episode 18: How To Cope With Grief and Loss
This week’s topic is a tough one, but it’s something that we’ll all have to navigate at some point in our lives despite most of us feeling totally unequipped to cope with it. We’re talking about grief, with the help of mental health professionals Eleanor Haley and Litsa Williams, the founders of popular website and podcast What’s Your Grief.
This week’s topic is a tough one, but it’s something that we’ll all have to navigate at some point in our lives, even though most of us feel totally unequipped to cope with it. We’re talking about grief, with the help of mental health professionals Eleanor Haley and Litsa Williams, the founders of popular website and podcast What’s Your Grief.
Whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, the general uncertainty of the pandemic, job loss, a breakup, a difficult diagnosis, or the loss of connection with the people you love, you might be experiencing grief in ways you didn’t even realize.
How we’ve coped with grief and loss
For Gillian, the recent loss of her incredible Grandma left her feeling overwhelmed with grief and emptiness, leading up to and after her death. While she’s still processing her loss, she’s working to keep her memories alive, and she’s found some helpful ways to cope:
Creating new rituals with her family to remember and honour her Grandma on special occasions
Baking her Grandma’s famous recipes
Talking about her grief with friends and family
Learning how to stop shutting out her memories, and rewriting the painful ones with positive thoughts
For Cailyn, the loss of her Opa and the diagnosis of a close relative had her spiral into waves of grief. She’s found ways to cope by:
Carving out set times for her to feel her grief
Watching happy upbeat content—laughter is the best medicine!
Sleep, exercise, eating well and going on walks with her dog
Opening up to her husband and close friends when she needs to talk, cry or vent
How to identify your individual grief coping style
Tapping into your individual coping style can be really helpful as you figure out how to cope. The first step is to acknowledge that there is more than one way of grieving. Eleanor reminds us that grief is different for everyone: “We think of grief as mostly being an emotional experience, but the reality is that it’s more than that. It’s cognitive, physical, and spiritual. It’s all sorts of different types of experiences.”
You can start by thinking about who you are, what coping mechanisms have worked for you in the past, and have an open mind about things that you think might be helpful for you. For example, someone who processes things more cognitively may find it helpful to get involved in advocacy, planning a memorial, or reading books on grief. While someone who is more of a creative thinker may find comfort in creating art that expresses their emotions, journaling, or writing a letter to the person they have lost.
Finding coping mechanisms that can help you make meaning from your loss and provide you with a new purpose can be very, very healing. “We want people to recognize that there are so many different ways to cope and the best thing to do is think about yourself: What are my strengths? What are my preferences? What are my resources?” says Eleanor.
Coping with anticipatory vs. unexpected grief
“Anticipated losses often allow our brains to start creating a space to imagine what the world might look like without that person,” says Litsa. “You can start to imagine the feelings that might come and create a space to do what we call Anticipatory Grief, which is to start processing the loss before it happens.” However, the looming loss can still impact you more than you expected. And in some cases it can trigger more shock for someone who thought they prepared because the reality of the world without their loved versus the idea of a world without that person is so different.
With unexpected losses, our brains haven’t created that space where we’ve tried to imagine a world without that person: It comes with shock, disbelief and overwhelm as our brains try to catch up to those things that it didn’t get to prepare for in advance.
What not to say to someone who is grieving
When it comes to providing support for someone who is grieving, don’t try to find a silver lining. “Stay away from anything that begins with the words ‘at least’, because ‘at least’ is looking for some sort of silver lining or positive in the situation. And just because the comment may be true (or true someday), it doesn’t mean that someone is ready to hear it or that it is helpful in the moment,” reminds Eleanor.
It’s also important to understand the difference between providing comfort vs. support. Comfort is our attempt to take away pain. It’s our desire to find a silver lining because we’re trying to bypass pain and get to a place where your loved one will start to feel better. But someone who provides support is there to lean on. They walk with the griever without trying to change, suppress them or find their meaning for them.
Litsa points out that sometimes people worry about bringing up the person who died, an anniversary, or sharing a story, but that can often be the most helpful and comforting thing to do. “That’s the kind of gesture that shows people that you’re there for them for the long term, that you want to be there to remember their loved one, and that you’re not just there for the first couple of weeks or months after a loss when everyone tends to show up. Be the person who sticks around long term who is still checking in a year later, five years later, ten years later.”
Eleanor also suggests getting comfortable with silence and not having anything to say. Don’t feel the need to always fill that silence. You might attempt to comfort your loved one by trying to relate to their pain, but that doesn’t always land well with the person who is grieving.
Getting comfortable talking about loss, as a griever and a supporter
“Grief is figuring out how to have an ongoing relationship with a person who has died,” says Litsa. “That means that we’re figuring out how to still talk about them, remember them and live a life that’s still informed so much by their presence in our life. We need to remember that that’s a good thing.”
Even when we get to the best place with our grief it can still be hard, painful and bittersweet. But connection is often what we’re striving for, not disconnection, and the best way to convey that to the people who want to help is to tell them exactly what you need. Lista says when you’re direct about what you need from others—whether it’s a hug, a vent, or a cry—it allows them to show up the way that you need them to.
It helps to express that you don’t need someone to fix that pain or take away the bitter part of bittersweet...that’s just always going to be there.
How to deal with loss during a pandemic
A lot of people are unable to have the types of memorials, services, rituals and support groups that they normally would have if it weren’t for the pandemic. Eleanor also notes that our current isolated world can also bring up past losses or non-death losses for a lot of people, which is perfectly normal.
“We encourage people to have an open mind for things you may not have considered before”, says Eleanor. Things like online or virtual therapy, virtual support groups, journaling, or artistic expression through painting, writing or creating can help you cope while social distancing.
Eleanor and Litsa also recommend their free 10 Day Coping With Grief Challenge to help you discover new coping skills from the comfort of your own home.
After losing multiple loved ones during COVID, Litsa found that reaching out to people who were grieving the same loss as her was helpful for her process. If you are unable to have a funeral or service for your loved one, you may be yearning for connection and conversations with others who are remembering the same person. Litsa suggests reaching out to friends-of-friends to your loved one, even if you’re not that close, and saying: “Hey, I’m feeling really sad and missing [this person] today, and I need somebody to talk to about that.”
“Sometimes when we’re vulnerable, struggling and grieving, we limit things to our inner circle of people,” says Litsa. “But especially in moments like this when the world is more disconnected than ever and we don’t have those same grieving rituals, I think it can be really important to open your mind about who might be a support to you that you haven’t thought about.”
How to survive the holidays when you’re grieving
One of the most difficult things to process when dealing with a loss is coping with the picture that we had created in our minds of what our life was supposed to look like. What our holidays, weddings, family, and special occasions should look like. “But one of the things that happens after a loss is that all of that is disrupted. We’re grieving the future that we thought we were going to have,” says Litsa.
To cope with grief during these special events and holidays, Lista suggests trying to shift your mindset to acknowledged both the loss of our expectations, while also being able to say to yourself, “just because it’s not what I imagined, doesn’t mean that it can’t still be good, meaningful, and filled with love, while also still being filled with loss, sadness and a bittersweet want for what we thought it would be.”
Litsa reminds us that we can carry both of those things together: “If we can go into the holidays or special milestones knowing that that’s what we’re trying to do, it can at least help give you permission for the fact that there will be tears and difficult moments on days that we thought would be wholly joyful. And there will still be lots of joy and we should give ourselves permission and space to feel both things.”
Identifying and managing grief triggers
The first place to start when trying to manage your grief triggers is to acknowledge that they are going to happen. While there may be times when you’ll want to try to avoid them (AKA at work), in general Litsa and Eleanor don’t recommend trying to close yourself off from all of your grief triggers. “When you do that you end up closing yourself off from your loved one”, says Eleanor.
“We often see that the intensity of these experiences diminish over time. So something may cause a sting of sadness, but they also might have a little more warmth to them, comfort, or a continued bond,” says Eleanor. It’s important to create space for both of those emotions and to understand that it is perfectly normal to feel sadness and connection at once.
Litsa also talks about creating “grief space”—a set time and space dedicated to your own grief. Having a set time to manage your grief allows you to set those overwhelming and unmanageable feelings aside in a healthy way and come back to them later when you have the time to unpack them.
Doing this regularly allows you to practise feeling your emotions rather than shutting them out so you can gain more control when triggers do pop up. And it’s not that it gets easier or that the grief goes away—you just get stronger and develop the tools to manage it and integrate your loss into your daily life as you move forward.
Finding balance between grieving and living life again
It can be difficult to balance feeling your grief and jumping back to living your life again. That’s why Litsa is a big fan of the dual process model of grief. One of the underpinnings of this model is that grieving and getting back to your normal routine happen alongside each other. “Part of grief is taking a break from grief”, says Litsa. “It’s creating those spaces to set it aside for a while and engage in healthy avoidance.”
Eleanor reminds us that grief is forever, and our relationship with grief changes over time. “We often think we have to feel pain all the time or we’re forgetting or betraying our loved one, but that’s not the case. Take a break from grief. Have moments of laughter and joy. These are not betrayals.”
Why alcohol and grief aren’t always bffs
“For some people alcohol and other substances can be either numb or intensify their emotions, and it can affect you in different ways”, says Litsa. “One of the things that we know about alcohol and how it affects the brian is that it quiets down the anxiety center of our brain which keeps our emotions in check. When we quiet that down, suddenly our emotions come out more and can be more intensified.”
Litsa stresses that this is why it’s so important to carve out time to deal with any feelings you may be pushing down or repressing. The more we give space to those feelings, the less likely they will come out in an unhealthy way when drinking.
We hope that this episode helps you find ways to cope with whatever you’re experiencing. If you ever need support, know that you can reach out to us.
If you have a topic you’d like us to cover or a guest you want us to interview, comment or DM us on Instagram:
Follow What’s Your Grief: